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She has seen him storing away the pieces of what...She has seen him storing away the pieces of what he did learn and patiently waiting to receive another piece, and then putting them together like the tiles of a children's puzzle game Sometimes she admired that, sometimes it made her wild and contemptuous to see him so accepting of Alessan's occasional reticence or Baerd's chronic reserveCatriana needed to knowShe had been ignorant for so much of her life, shielded from her own history in that tiny fishing village in AstibarShe felt that there was so much lost time to be regainedSometimes it made her want to weep That was how she'd been feeling this evening before drifting into a shallow, uneasy sleep and a dream of homeShe often dreamt of home since she'd left, especially of her mother This time she saw herself walking through the village just after sunrise, passing the last house, Tendo's, she even saw his dog, and then rounding the familiar curve of the shore to where her father had bought a derelict cottage and repaired it and raised a family In her dream she saw the boat already far new gucci wallet out, trawling among the early-morning swell of the seaIt seemed to be springtimeHer mother was in the doorway of the cottage mending nets in the good light of the sunriseHer eyes had been going bad for years and it was hard for her to work with her needle in the eveningsCatriana had gradually taken over the night-time needlework in her last year at home It was a beautiful morning in the dreamThe stones of the beach gleamed and the breeze was fresh and light off the waterAll the other boats were out as well, taking advantage of the morning, but it was easy to tell which one was their ownCatriana walked up the path and stood by the newly mended porch, waiting for her mother to look up and see her and leap to her feet with a cry, and fold her daughter in her arms Her mother did glance up from her work, but only to gaze seaward, squinting toward the light, to check the position of their boatAn old habit, a nervous one, and one that had probably done much to hurt her eyesShe'd a husband and three sons in that small boat though She didn't see her chanel purse spray daughter at allCatriana realized with a queer pain that she was invisible hereBecause she had gone, because she had left them and wasn't there any longerThere was more grey, she saw, in her mother's hair, and her heart ached as she stood there in mild sunlight to see how worn and hard her mother's hands were, and how tired the kind face wasShe had always thought of her mother as a young woman, until Tiena, the baby, had died in the plague six years agoThings had changed after that It isn't fair, she thought, and in the dream she cried aloud and was not heard Her mother sat on a wooden chair on the porch in the early light, working on the nets, occasionally looking up to check the position of one small boat among so many bobbing on this alien eastern sea so far from the one she'd loved Catriana woke, her body twisting violently away from all the hurts embedded in that imageShe opened her eyes, waiting for her heartbeat to slow, lying under several blankets in a room in Castle Borso Alienor, who was the same age as Catriana's worn, tired gucci monogram wallet motherIt truly was not fairWhy should she be carrying such guilt, seeing such sad, hurtful images in her sleep, for having gone away? Why, when it was her mother who had given her the ring when she was fourteen, in the year the baby diedThe ring that marked her as from Tigana and by the sea for anyone who knew the ancient symbols, and for no one else The ring that had so marked her for Alessan bar Valentin two years ago when he and Baerd had seen her selling eels and fresh-caught telanquy in Ardin town just up the coast from the village She had not been a trusting person at eighteenShe could not have said, then or now, why she'd trusted the two of them and joined them for that walk upriver out of town when the market was doneIf pushed to an answer she would have said that there was something about Baerd that had reassured her It was on that walk that they had told her about her ring and about Tigana, and the axis of her life had tilted another wayA new running of time had begun from that moment, and with it the need to know At home that evening fashion d5:03 AM - Monday, January 25, 2010
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