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Thought about cleaning a fourth and decided I...

11:42 PM, Tuesday, May 4, 2010 .. Link

Thought about cleaning a fourth and decided I didn't want to take the timeThat fever was on me again, that hungerIt was as sudden and violent as my fits of rageIf the smoke detectors had gone off downstairs, announcing the house was on fire, I would have paid no attentionI stripped the cellophane from a brand-new brush, dipped black, and began to paint As with the picture I'd called The End of the Game, I don't remember much about the actual creation of Friends with BenefitsAll I know is it happened in a violent explosion, and sunsets had nothing to do with itIt was mostly black and blue, the color of bruises, and when it was done, my left arm ached from the exerciseMy hand was splattered with paint all the way to the wrist The finished canvas reminded me a little of those noir paperback covers I used to see back when wholesale chanel jewelry I was a kid, the ones that always featured some roundheels dame headed for hellOnly on the paperback covers, the dame was usually blond and twenty-twoishIn my picture, she had dark hair 206 and looked on the plus side of fortyThis dame was my ex-wife She was sitting on a rumpled bed, wearing nothing but a pair of blue pantiesThe strap of a matching bra trailed across one legHer head was slightly bent, but there was no mistaking her features; I had caught her BRILLIANTLY in just a few harsh strokes of black that were almost like Chinese ideogramsOn the slope of one breast was the picture's only real spot of brightness: a rose tattooI wondered when she'd gotten it, and why Pam wearing ink seemed as unlikely to me as Pam racing a dirt-bike at Mission Hill, but I had no doubt whatever that it was true; it was just a fact, like replica gucci canvas bag Carson Jones's Torii Hunter tee-shirt There were also two men in the picture, both naked One stood at the window, half-turnedHe had a perfectly typical body for a white middle-class man of fifty or so, one I imagined you could see in any Gold's Gym changing room: poochy stomach, flat little no-cheeks ass, moderate man-titsHis face was intelligent and well-bredOn that face now was a melancholy she's-almost-gone lookA nothing-will-change-it lookThis was Max from 207 Palm DesertHe might as well have been wearing a sign around his neckMax who had lost his father last year, Max who had started by offering Pam coffee and had ended up offering her moreShe'd taken him up on the coffee and the more, but not all the more he would have givenYou couldn't see all of it, but what you could see was a lot more naked than his ass The cheap gucci bags other man leaned in the doorway with his ankles crossed, a position that pressed his thighs together and pushed his considerable package forwardHe was maybe ten years older than the man at the window, in better shapeLong muscles in the thighsHis arms were folded below his chest and he was looking at Pam with a little smile on his faceI knew that smile well, because Tom Riley had been my accountant - and my friend - for thirty-five years If it had not been custom in our family to ask your father to be your best man, I would have asked Tom I looked at him standing naked in the doorway, looking at my wife on the bed, and remembered him helping me move my stuff out to Lake Phalen 208 Remembered him saying You don't give up the house, that's like giving up home field advantage in a playoff game Then catching him with tears in his gucci men wallet eyesBoss, I can't get used to seeing you this way Had he been ****ing her then? I thought notBut - I'm going to give you an offer to take back to her, I'd saidOnly maybe he'd done more than make my offer I limped to the big window, not using my crutch Sunset was still hours off, but the light was westering strongly, beating a reflection off the waterI made myself look directly into that glaring track, wiping my eyes repeatedly I tried to tell myself the picture might be no more than a figment of a mind that was still trying to heal itselfAll my voices were speaking clearly and coherently to one another, and I knew what I knewPam had ****ed Max out there in Palm Desert, and when he had suggested a longer, deeper commitment, she had refusedPam had also ****ed my oldest friend and business associate, and might still be ****ing vintage fendi bag

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