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They did not quite know what to say or do, as...
6:55 PM, Wednesday, January 20, 2010
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They did not quite know what to say or do, as they were ignorant of the amount of my knowledgeSo they had to keep on neutral subjectsHowever, I thought the matter over, and came to the conclusion that the best thing I could do would be to post them on affairs right up to dateSeward's diary that they had been at Lucy's death, her real death, and that I need not fear to betray any secret before the timeSo I told them, as well as I could, that I had read all the papers and diaries, and that my husband and I, having typewritten them, had just finished putting them in orderI gave them each a copy to read in the libraryWhen Lord Godalming got his and turned it over, it does make a pretty good pile, he said, "Did you write all this, MrsHarker?"
I nodded, and he went on
"I don't quite see the drift of it, but you people are all so good and kind, and have been working so earnestly and so energetically, that all I can do is to accept your ideas blindfold and try to help youI have had one lesson already in accepting facts that should make a man humble to the last hour of his lifeBesides, I know you loved my Lucy?"
Here he turned away and covered his face with his handsI could hear the tears in his voiceMorris, with instinctive delicacy, just laid a hand for a moment on his shoulder, and then walked quietly out of the roomI suppose there is something in a woman's nature that makes a man free to break down before her and express his feelings on the tender or emotional side without feeling it derogatory to his manhoodFor when Lord Godalming found himself alone with me he sat down on the sofa and gave way utterly and openlyI sat down beside him and took his handI hope he didn't think it forward of me, and that if he ever thinks of it afterwards he never will have such a thoughtHe is too true a gentlemanI said to him, for I could see that his heart was breaking, "I loved dear Lucy, and I know what she was to you, and what you were to herShe and I were like sisters, and now she is gone, will you not let me be like a sister to you in your trouble? I know what sorrows you have had, though I cannot measure the depth of themIf sympathy and pity can help in your affliction, won't you let me be of some little service, for Lucy's sake?"
In an instant the poor dear fellow was overwhelmed with griefIt seemed to me that all that he had of late been suffering in silence found a vent at onceHe grew quite hysterical, and raising his open hands, beat his palms together in a perfect agony of griefHe stood up and then sat down again, and the tears rained down his cheeksI felt an infinite pity for him, and opened my arms unthinkinglyWith a sob he laid his head on my shoulder and cried like a wearied child, whilst he shook with emotion
We women have something of the mother in us that makes us rise above smaller matters when the mother spirit is invokedI felt this big sorrowing man's head resting on me, as though it were that of a baby that some day may lie on my bosom, and I stroked his hair as though he were my own childI never thought at the time how strange it all was
After a little bit his sobs ceased, and he raised himself with an apology, though he made no disguise of his emotionHe told me that for days and nights past, weary days and sleepless nights, he had been unable to speak with any one, as a man must speak in his time of sorrowThere was no woman whose sympathy could be given to him, or with whom, owing to the terrible circumstance with which his sorrow was surrounded, he could speak freely
"I know now how I suffered," he said, as he dried his eyes, "but I do not know even yet, and none other can ever know, how much your sweet sympathy has been to me todayI shall know better in time, and believe me that, though I am not ungrateful now, my gratitude will grow with my understandingYou will let me be like a brother, will you not, for all our lives, for dear Lucy's sake?"
"For dear Lucy's sake," I said as we clasped hands"Ay, and for your own sake," he added, "for if a man's esteem and gratitude are ever worth the winning, you have won mine todayIf ever the future should bring to you a time when you need a man's help, believe me, you will not call in vainGod grant that no such time may ever come to you to break the sunshine of your life, but if it should ever come, promise me that you will let me know
He was so earnest, and his sorrow was so fresh, that I felt it would comfort him, so I said, "I promise
As I came along the corridor I saw shop Mr
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