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No more Scooter nuisance

Back from lunch at the parent's house, my mother had some interesting new about the recent bother with youths on my street. The youths on a scooter had been reported to the Police and the matter had been followed up apparently.

Mother has suggested that I don't phone the Police when these incidents occur and I have agreed I won't get involved. Unknown to them however I will record my observations and publish it on this blog. I simply don't want to involve myself with trivial matters and the Police on a regular basis.

Neighbour skip problem
Half way down my street there is a NFH who was given this reputation by his nearest neighbours for numerous reasons. The most recent gossip is that they have permanently placed a rubbish skip on the street road opposite their house. The reason being is the man has a business and to avoid the expense of a skip for his business, he can get around the problem by dumping business waste in a domestic skip.

I know for a fact that local residents objected to the building work they had planned and followed through with recently. In the past year 2 of his neighbours have already sold their house, it may just be a coincidence or it may be that they are getting out of a neighbourhood which is not what it used to be.

Day 1 in Grotsville

Well it is more than day 1 but it is day 1 of me getting this off my chest.

What a grotty town Lowestoft is - lots and lots of very fat people - gross and lots and lots of single mothers with their brats and those darn buggies that they use as weapons. All the kids have different fathers - seems like contrraception something that is known about here.

What about the fatties going into MacDonalds getting a burger and a DIET coke - what is that about???

We have got more mobile phine shop and cheapo poubd shops here than anywhere else - and people wonder why Lowestoft is so grotty. Would you set up shop here!!! Unless it costs a £ don't bother.

The County Concil is Suffolk and they care not a fig about Lowestoft - why should they we are so grotty.

We have a really stupid traffic management system ( that does not work) and new road layout ( that does not work) here ( there are a couple of oxymorons in that sentance) and a couple of bridges that create total and utter chaos if they are up to let a tiddly boat through.

The place stinks needs to be bombed !

So that is the end of day 1.

Scooter nuisance

2 boys have been up and down my street at least 4 times in the past hour. I wouldn't mind so much however they are over the speed limit of 20MPH and they don't have helmets on.

Karen & Gareth's Wedding

We had the privilage of photographing the wedding of Karen & Gareth from Sunk Island last Friday. The weather was kind (it didn't rain!) and I know everyone had a wonderful day. Obviously we meet many couples on their wedding day, but it has to be said, that Karen & Gareth are perfectly suited and so much in love - it was wonderful to witness. The reception was held in a stunning marque in the beautiful setting of their home (I am so jealous!). We wish them every happiness.

Kevin undertook a model shoot today in Hull - near the marina and markets. He captured some stunning shots which the model will use for her portfolio and Kevin uses to perfect techniques and test out the latest equipment. Both were delighted with the results and even more delighted that they managed to avoid the rain! (is this August?!)

Kevin is having a rare day off during this busy wedding season and is off racing his pride and joy - his Westfield sports car (think Caterham) on Friday at Mallory Race track. I'm going with our son and Kevin's Dad (the westfield's relunctant mechanic!) to watch - he's still trying to convince me to have a go - think i'll stick to the pits!

Best wishes, Lynne

building a boat in your back yard

When I began this quest I knew very little about boatbuilding, sail-making or sailing and the learning experience was worth it in itself. I was used to designing and building jigs, working with epoxy (to a lesser degree than what was required here) and following plans. It can all be somewhat straight forward. But deviating from the plans to customize, building from scratch and designing the sail add time and expense. I do not believe that I could have purchased a used, sit-in not sit-on sailboat with two sails for less than what it cost to build this. Of course that is beside the point since building itself as a hobby is great.

I would finally build a sailboat that could be taken out on days when getting wet wasn’t such a great idea as well as nice, sunny days. Hence the sailing dinghy search began. I settled on this boat because it looked easy and inexpensive and pretty much right what I wanted.

These joints are designed to use a minimum of material to get the ultimate strength. I would only make them with epoxy resin (not polyester resin) because: 1) epoxy bonds the glass cloth to the plywood in a stronger joint that will not peel apart; 2) epoxy will always eventually complete its cure; 3) there is no fire hazard with epoxy; and 4) there is less of a toxic hazard with epoxy.

Originally, both Payson and I made the joint on one side and turned the piece over to complete the joint. The turning over is fraught with danger of destroying the joint that is very weak at that point.

A piece of plywood bent around the side of a boat is carrying most of the load in its outer and inner plies. The load (stress) on the convex side (usually the outer) is a tension load trying to pull the wood apart. On the concave side (usually the inner), the load is compressive-the wood is being pushed together. The invisible butt joint makes two pieces of plywood one by building a skin of fiberglass and epoxy on each side. When you flex the joint, the load is carried entirely by those two skins you have built.

I made joints in various thicknesses of plywood and tested them by breaking them in flexure with the maximum stress applied at the joint. Joints that passed were ones where the plywood, not the fiberglass-epoxy resin joint broke. My design basis for invisible joints in plywood is: for 1/4" plywood, 1 layer of 6 oz. fiberglass cloth on each side; for 3/8", two layers on the top (outside of bend) and one layer on the bottom; for 1/2", three layers on top and two on the bottom; for 3/4", four layers on top and two on the bottom. Make the first fiberglass strip on top 2" wide and each succeeding one an inch wider. On the bottom side make the first strip 2" wide and the second one (if used) as wide as the widest strip on the top side. After you lay up the joint cover it with a piece of 4 mil polyethylene film and squeegee or roll it out. This presses the cloth layers together and feathers out the excess epoxy onto the plywood. Peel the film off after the joint cures and the surface is smooth and faired so that very little filling or sanding is required. If you use woven tape instead of pieces cut from cloth, the selvage may make a ridge at each side of the joint. A joint with a single layer of 6 oz. cloth on each side is about 0.020 in. thicker than the plywood at its thickest point and tapers off to zero at each side. Two layers on each side adds about 0.030 in. at the thickest point. The joint in 3/4" plywood with four layers outside and two inside is only about 0.045 in. thicker at its thickest point.

I have gone to laying polyethylene film on a smooth surface, laying the wetted out fiberglass tape (I use cloth to avoid the selvage) on that, epoxy coating the face of the plywood that goes against that, laying the plywood on the wet tape, filling any least void between the plywood edges with thickened epoxy (this is critical, as any voids between the butting plywood edges can make the joint weak), epoxy coating the upper plywood joint surface, laying on fiberglass and wetting it out, covering with poly film, laying on a smooth board, and weighting the assembly with concrete blocks. In fact, the last time I did it I laid up a sandwich of two 16' by 20" pieces for the side planks of a sailing skiff and cured them all in one operation.

If you are making joints in plywood thicker than -1/4", make the bottom side of the layup the one with the fewer number of fiberglass strips.

Self-exile

There is no doubt that I have withdrawn a lot from my friends since Dad died. I'm not that interested in being sociable, making an effort or being around people much at all. I would much rather stay at home, especially when I can be alone at home.

I have always been one of those people who gets their rest from being on their own, but I do also love spending time with people I know and love... normally. It just seems like the motivation has disappeared. So after a while of me declining offers of going out or joining in with group events, people stop asking me. Not because they don't like me, but because I never go to these things so why bother. I understand that and I don't mind, because my exile is very much self-imposed. The problem is that it won't always be like this. I am beginning to want to see people again but am finding it difficult because I have been off the "scene" for so long.

Recently I realised that I hadn't left the house once in over a week. I don't have a job to go to, I had plenty of food in the house etc and there just wasn't a need to go out, but that can't be healthy. Then I went to a sporting event on my own, where there are thousands of strangers and that felt fine, enjoyable and fun, wheras an evening in the pub with a few good friends seems very unappealing still.

I have decided to be more pro-active and have already started contacting friends who I haven't seen in a while to arrange a time when I can see them. I don't want to in a way, because my self-exile is comfortable, but I know that I need to start spending time with friends if I want to have any left at all - which I definitely do!
When I start working in a couple of weeks I also need to make sure that I allow myself to build friendships with colleagues, rather than keeping my cards close to my chest as is my natural tendency. We'll have to see how it goes.

To cry or not to cry? That is the question.

I haven't cried about Dad since the day of the funeral. On a few occasions early on when I was in "distraction mode" I felt emotions catching up with me and so I pushed them away by thinking about something else. I have cried about other things though - just not about Dad, so I don't think that my emotions are completely numb.

I'm still finding it difficult to face things that relate to Dad, as yesterday's blog is a testimony to. I feel sad about it all, but I don't feel emotional about it - is this wrong? Am I still blocking out my emotions relating to this? I think that I am. I have decided to re-read the book I read a few months ago specifically relating to those affected by suicide. I think that maybe if that doesn't help me to move forward like I feel I should be, then I'll try some counselling or a support group.

How much of the current slump that I feel in is due to grief and its effects and now much is due to just me being me? Are the two even seperable? The more I think about everything the more I realise that there are more questions than I will ever have answers for.

Dealing with reminders

I don't want to forget my Dad. I don't want to remove all evidence of him from my world, and yet I don't feel like I am ready yet to deal with the physical belongings he gave me etc so I just ignore them. For example he gave me a CD for Christmas which I will never listen to because it is very far from my sort of music, and before Dad died I was intending to give it to a friend who I know is a fan of this band. But now I can't even really look at it, let alone think about giving it away. He gave me another CD which I will probably like but I can't bring myself to peel off the cellophane and listen to it. Maybe part of the problem is that I had done nothing with them in the 2.5 weeks between me getting them and Dad killing himself? They weren't a part of my life yet and so now they represent what never can be a part of my life again - my Dad?

Living away from the family home for so long, there is very little else that I have which represents my Dad to me. Generally presents he gave me were money (it is what I asked for) and that was soon gone, so there aren't many tangible things I have to remember him by. One nearly empty bottle of perfume, a few CDs and zero photos (I'm not a photo person) means that those things I do have, I sort of want to cling onto. Is that strange? I use the perfume rarely because I don't want the bottle to be empty - surely then I'll have to throw it away? I'm not a hoarder generally. I don't keep things to remember events by. I used to in my teenage years but after moving house half a dozen times in not many more years, I have got very adept at not being sentimental and only keeping what I need.

Maybe at some stage I'll be able to look at the CDs, even listen to them - but the idea of that actually hurts. Not like me to be sentimental about anything really but I suppose these are special circumstances and the few pieces of my Dad that I have, I think I want to keep - at least for now.

Today I wondered why you can't turn back time. I think everything had been better a few years ago! When you are 7 years or so you don't care about anything! You write love letters, you jump around and you just have fun without thinking about tomorrow! And you always think live is going to be easier when you get old, but that's not true. It always seems like ****e! But holiday is about to end and I don't want to go to school again and meet some of those stupid people so that might be the reason why I'm depressive right now! And I have to learn that things come and go. And that people come into your live say hello and disappear again. And they don't like you the way you liked them. I mean you were not that important for them like they were for you. And this experiences often hurt you. And you wish you could open your eyes and everything's the same again. But that's not the way it works!

Summary of Neighbour's alarm for June 2008

It went off only once if I remember correctly, and this was because it was genuine false alarm. It was quite windy that day and they were out so I suspect it just went off with a little bit of help from the wind.

I don't see why a burglar alarm should get confused between the wind and a burglar however that's another story.

That's a thumbs up this month then since it was 2 times less if went off than last month.

Welcome to our Blog!

Welcome to Kevin Stabler Photography's blog! Running a wedding photography business is busy, exciting, pressured, fun....and I love it! My interest in photography started whilst at school and I've always felt comfortable and enjoyed being behind a camera.

After a career in IT and with the support of Lynne, my wife, I decided to take the plunge and turn my passion into my career - and Kevin Stabler Photography was born. Having qualified with the Royal Photographic Society and the Master Photographic Association, we started out in a studio in Thorngumbald - capturing family and pet potraits as well as covering weddings. (We have now since also qualified with the British Institute of Professional Photographers and the Society of Wedding & Portrait Photographers - there aren't any more to qualify with!).

In January 2008 we took (another!) plunge and decided to focus on the Wedding Photography sector - the area of the business I most enjoy, basing ourselves at home - greeting clients in our Client Viewing room and working from our registered office upstairs. I believe our home enviornment creates the perfect atmosphere to meet with prospective clients to really get a feel of what we're about.

Lynne (who will probably end up writing some of the blogs!) supports me with assisting at weddings, doing all the administration (not my forte, she tells me!) and the accounts. Lynne works for the business part time after a successful career in management in the recruitment sector. She left there to have our little boy (Christmas Day 2005!) and tells me that I'm not a bad employee!

Having photographed weddings for over 5 years and covering over 100 weddings, our business (I'm pleased to say, especially in the current climate) is going from strength to strength.

We're outward looking (I attend seminars and training sessions around the country with some of the world's best photographers,) and are constantly looking to improve our business so that our clients receive the best possible service and enjoy the best possible photography displayed in stunning wedding albums and storybooks, of their wedding day. I truly believe the phrase "if your business is not moving forwards....it's moving backwards".

I intend this blog to keep you, our current and our prospective clients, up to date with what we're doing and how we're doing!

Please do get in touch with us - client or not and let us know what you think!

Kind regards, Kevin

1st Entry.

Ok, this is my first blog and I don't really know what to write. I just wanted to try it, and that's what I do now! My name is Luisa but most of my friends call me Lulu tough I do not like it. But I get used to it. I am 15 years old, and don't like it. Because you have to be at home at 10 pm and so on. I love music and sports. I play the piano, and I love fencing and jogging. I couldn't live without it. And I love my friends. But I don't like boys, because they always disappoint me! I think I will make a list about love and boys. What I know about love: 1. You can't always believe people, when they talk about their feelings. 2. You just can justt get over a broken heart when you fall in love again. 3. You can't switch off your feeligs. When you see the person you once loved again, you feel something strange. Today I met a good friend of mine. We planned the next weekend, because we will go and visit my Granny. Plus we will visit a fesival called "Olga's Rock". I think it will be very nice. There are some great Bands for example The Guns or D�n�. I'm really looking forward to it. And maybe we will meet some good looking boys :D I don't know what to write. I think I will add something tomorrow. xxx

What do I tell new people I meet?

I have been wondering about the above question for some time. Obviously my friends and everyone around me at the time Dad died knows what happened, more or less - or at least know that he committed suicide.

However I am about to go into a new phase of life. I have graduated from University and need to get a new job in the next few weeks. I will probably have several interviews and they might ask why I have taken a few months off before looking for work. I could lie to them and say that I just wanted a break. Or should I tell them that my dad died and I needed some time to think about it - that might make them think that I'm messed up about it and not give me the job. Also how do you bring something like this up in conversation once I have started a job and am making friends? If people ask about my parents then obviously I will tell them that Dad is no longer with us, but do I go the step further and say how he died or does that need to wait until I have been there longer? I don't want to become a topic of gossip on my first day - or ever really.

I did find that spending time with people who didn't know, like my coursemates, meant that they often said things which were quite close to the bone, without realising it of course. They would make comments about "crazy people" or depression - which obviously they wouldn't have dreamt of saying if they'd have known about Dad. I didn't want them to walk on eggshells around me which is why I didn't tell them in the first place and I wasn't really offended by anything they said but it just made me think about Dad more than I would have liked during that phase when I was trying to focus on my work.

I suppose that I just have to take each challenge as it comes. There is no way that I can be prepared for every scenario so I'll just have to try and think on my feet and make a decison there and then about it. I want to be as honest as possible without making other people feel uncomfortable about it all.

4:15am 2 young adults being a minor nuisance

At about 4:15am i was awoken by the sound of a couple of youths walking down the street, I could hear gates banging so I was quite curious as to who it was since it's unusual to hear anyone out at this time.

I peered through the curtains but I didn't really get a good look at them, I expected thy would just pass so I went back to bed.

Here is the audio I captured from that incident:

Date: 31 Jul 2008
Time: 4:11:57
Duration: 2 minutes 35 seconds
File: 2008_07_31.ogg
File size: 1.6M
Description: You can hear a youth shouting 'hello' and gates being opened and shut as the walk down the street. This audio contains some strong language.

It's hardly worth my while make a note of this however they were acting suspiciously walking into people's property for some unknown reason.

Blame pt2

I was reading on an internet forum for survivors of suicide today about a woman whose estranged husband committed suicide seemingly out of the blue, having shown no obvious signs of any mental illness, stress, depression or worry. Her mother and father in-law decided to blame her for their son's death and not only took away the body for burial, refusing to allow her or her children to attend the funeral, but also cut off all contact with them.

Reading things like this make me so incredibly angry and sad. There is still such a stigma attached to suicide. Several books I have read since Dad died have told stories of people never admitting publically that their loved one killed themselves. Having to lie about how they died must be so difficult and yet from some reactions I have read about, they seem justified in their decision to do so. Families falling out over the issue, some family members refusing to accept that it was suicide and launching private investigations into the death - hoping that their loved one was murdered rather than chose to end their own lives. How messed up is that? I can understand the initial denial, probably similar for most people who have lost someone suddenly - "this can't be happening." With someone's belongings all around you just like normal, it can be difficult to accept that they are not going to walk in through the door any minute.

I suppose I also get the idea of focusing on something else to avoid the pain, like an investigation into murder rather than face the guilt, unreasonable shame and endless questions that come with most suicides. I certainly focused on my studies for a few months, although I'm not sure how much of that was avoidance and how much was necessary to keep myself together and not ruin several years of hard work. It was probably a bit of both if I am honest.

None of this avoidance would have been possible if I'd have been living with my family at the time I don't think. Living away has been both a trial and a blessing, with the distance enabling me to get some perspective, but also enabling me to sidestep confronting my emotions and thoughts. At times I have been away from my family when I'd like to be close, but being away allowed me breathing space when it all got too intense in those early days.

I'm not one to play the blame game. I can see that unforgiveness, bitterness and blame doesn't hold the person you land it all on back as much as it holds you back. It isn't that cut and dried when you are in the middle of it though. Self analysis is tiring!!

Blame

I think that we live in a blame culture. Blaming someone or something else when things go wrong is much easier than taking responsibility myself. When someone you love commits suicide, there are so many questions left unanswered. Even when a note is left, like my dad did, it doesn't even begin to explain all the things that you would ask that person now if you had a chance. I know that Dad made the decision to end his life because of the depression and extreme anxiety he was suffering - and he just decided that he'd had enough of fighting it.

Firstly it would be easy for me to blame him. Blame him for choosing to die, for not fighting hard enough or long enough, for choosing to end his life in the manner that he did, for not accepting the medical/psychiatric help that was on offer. The ways that I could blame him are almost endless and I have asked these questions and more in the last few months.

Then I could blame myself. If I had been a better daughter then maybe it wouldn't have happened? If I had prayed for Dad more, gone to see him more, phoned him rather than usually avoiding his calls, seen the signs etc.

I could blame the other members of my family. After all they lived with him or close by and they all saw plenty of him the few days before his suicide. Shouldn't they have seen what was going to happen and stopped it? The same for his friends.

I could blame the psychiatric services for failing him. His Consultant seemed useless from what Mum told me, never trying to really get to the bottom of the problem, just changing the cocktail of drugs and not asking Dad the right questions or seeming interested. His previous suicide attempt when he overdosed and was admitted to hospital, he was released without being assessed.

I could blame God. Why did this have to happen to my Dad? He was a good man. A man who loved God and yet his illness was clearly more than he could take.

At the end of the questions I am left with only more questions which I know can never be answered. Does that mean I should just accept it, however unjust everything feels, and try to get on with life? I know that none of the people listed above are to blame. Dad was ill and completely irrational - he can't be blamed for doing something irrational. I am not to blame. Maybe I could have done better, but I did the best that I could at the time. My family and Dad's friends are not to blame. They couldn't see the signs because there weren't any obvious ones. Psychiatric Services are not to blame - Dad wasn't co-operative with them or the medication they prescribed and although the system is flawed, it wasn't their fault that Dad made the decisions he did. God isn't to blame. I know that God is good and although I don't know why he allowed Dad to be ill like this, I know that Dad made the final decision to kill himself.

Nothing will ever make what has happened ok. Nothing will change it from being horrible and hurtful and shocking and sad. Being able to rationalise it and come to some decisions about the way I should or do feel won't stop me having some really bad days. Despite me feeling that the world really shouldn't be carrying on as normal around me, it does. I need to find a job. I need to get out and about more. I need to concentrate on my family, friends and future rather than dwell on something in the past that I can't change, but of only it were that simple!!

Friends, work, rest and feelings.

Well today I feel pretty much like I do most other days since Dad died. I feel sad. I feel like most other things aren't that important. I feel like I don't want to go out. I don't want to see friends. I don't really even want to have a shower and get dressed. I don't think that I am depressed though. Part of the problem is that I am naturally quite a stay-at-home kind of person. I get my rest from being alone, not from being sociable, although I do enjoy that too. I know that I have retreated more than usual since Dad died and a big part of me doesn't care - but the other part of me knows that it isn't good for me. I need to leave the house more. I need to contribute to friendships I have rather than just let them slide because I can't be bothered making an effort. I do have great friends who love me a lot, but the simple fact is that they can only work with what I give them and that really hasn't been much recently. They don't know whether to push it or not, so generally they don't. I want them to, but it isn't their responsibility - it is mine. There is no one to blame for me feeling isolated other than me for isolating myself.

In the next few weeks I need to find a job and start work, otherwise I won't be able to pay my rent. That idea is overwhelming for a number of reasons. I am generally exhausted. I don't sleep that much or for that long so I am always tired and the few times in the last few months when I have been out for a whole day at a time I have had to rest for a couple of days afterwards - that can't happen when I have a job. Also I have no real idea what sort of job to look for. Do I try and find a career type job straight away, which will be challenging and include long hours, probably a commute and will undoubtedly be stressful - but will bring in enough money for me to be able to do the things I need, such as get my own house, pass my driving test, start to pay back my student loan etc. Or do I instead ease my way back in by working probably less stressful temping jobs? Temping does bring it's own problems, like the dull work, lack of holiday pay, sick pay, pension and changing placements every so often, plus the inconsistancy of work and not knowing if I will be earning enough this month. Temping would allow me to go back part time at first, get used to a working environment again, but the pay isn't great, and part time pay probably wouldn't really be enough to live off. There is a very good reason that I stopped temping and started my degree - I hated temping! I don't like working 9-5 in an office, but I am struggling to think what else I can do?

I am overwhelmed by the idea of it all so I am procrastinating and soon I will be left with no option but to take the first thing I am offered, whether it is right for me or not. Is this a symptom of me dealing (or not dealing) with Dad's suicide or it is a flaw in myself and an excuse for laziness. I find myself getting panicked thinking about it and my anxiety levels rise. I don't get a panic attack or anything, but I can see how it could easily escalate.

I get these feelings when I am obligated to do something - even things I enjoy doing. Helping at a local youth group, which I have done for years, is suddenly a real battle every week just to get there and have the right attitude. My weekly church house group and sunday church meetings are the same. I'm usually fine once I get there, but getting there is a real stuggle. Just thinking about it now is making me get stressed, because I don't want to feel that way about these good things that I do - but I do. I know that stopping doing them is not an option. Not because of any obligation but because any further isolation will make me feel worse, not better.

My time set aside to grieve has all but run out and I feel like it has been wasted. I haven't grieved as such, I haven't had my batteries recharged because I can't sleep and the slightest thing tires me out. From past experience I have found that the best way to beat these things is to do more rather than less but I don't really feel that motivated. However by the end of the coming week I absolutely need to have made concrete decisions about my life, my career direction and have started to apply for jobs. Rest time is up whether I am rested or not.

Interstitial fibrosis definition

How Does Interstitial Lung Disease Occur? Interstitial fibrosis definition

Fibrosis results in permanent loss interstitial fibrosis definition of that tissue's ability to breathe and carry oxygen. Air sacs, as well as the lung tissue between and surrounding the air sacs, and the lung capillaries, are destroyed by the formation of scar tissue.

The diseases may run a gradual or rapid course. People with ILD may have varied symptoms -- from very mild to moderate to very severe. The condition may remain the same for long periods of time or it may change quickly. The course of ILDs is unpredictable. If they progress, the lung tissue thickens and becomes stiff. The work of breathing then becomes more difficult and demanding. Some of the diseases improve with medication if treated when inflammation occurs. Some people may need oxygen therapy as part of their treatment.

27 April 2006 - Interstitial Fibrosis In Coalworkers

The Industrial Injuries Advisory Council (IIAC), the independent body which advises the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions on the Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit (IIDB) scheme, today announced the publication of its Position Paper 'Interstitial Fibrosis in Coalworkers'

The Industrial Injuries Advisory Council was requested, at its Public Meeting in March 2005, to consider whether interstitial fibrosis should be recommended to the Secretary of State as a prescribed disease, in its own right, for the purposes of the Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit scheme.

The Council evaluated the evidence in the scientific literature and found that interstitial fibrosis is common as part of the disease process of coalworkers' pneumoconiosis (Prescribed Disease (PD) D1) and any disability would be assessed under the terms of this disease and of PD D12 coalworkers' chronic bronchitis and emphysema. The Council found no evidence available of an excess risk of interstitial fibrosis on its own.

Description Of Interstitial Pulmonary Fibrosis

Interstitial lung disease refers to a group of diseases that are chronic, nonmalignant, and noninfectious. These diseases are characterized by infiltration of inflammatory cells into the walls of the alveoli (the air sacs of the lungs). The infiltration causes abnormal scarring in the connective tissue that supports the alveoli. If the disease progresses, scarring develops to the point that the lungs may be destroyed.

Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis is the most common diagnosis among patients presenting with interstitial lung disease. It is a chronic, noninfectious, nonmalignant disorder that causes progressive shortness of breath. Average duration of life after the onset of symptoms is 4 to 5 years, but many affected persons live much longer. Males and females are affected equally. The disorder commonly develops in the middle years of life but it can occur at any age.

Pssst... came over here..

I've got just the thing for you.. (we heard from the english young lady)

We came from a different jungle, and the mainstream jungle on this island, is from a specific region on eastern europe. So, the tree's are out of reach, there is no fruit for you if you don't speak polish. Never mind the english, what you need, if you want to find a permanent job, is to learn polish. Luckly for us, this english lady gave us the opportunity, and we grab it.

(we must pop by and thank the girl..)

spiritual regeneration

That's IT!!!! don't treat us like this.. what is your problem?

Kiiiriiikiii.... Kiiirii.. kiki.. riiki... slam.. bam.. we leave your fruit factory, so long wisbech, you are ugly.

Cold.. cold cold place to work

A steady working place still explored by the agency taking the comission of banana's from our weekly pile.

The work is acceptable, on the male opinion, for the female department, thing's are not so well, she as litle midgnion's to supervise, they don't speak english, came from a different place and culture, are short and strange litle monkeys..

please repeat after me..

Peee.... ter.... boo...roooo.. Peter....borooo.. Peterboroug. Ok?

This was our interview for the national insurance, we have no major dificulty understanding english language ( sorry by the way, for orthographic error's) but the enphasys on the wors it's not the correct. So, we sound strange and foreign, trully from a diferent jungle.

agencies.. agencies..

The reality check.. Get to work to make your big tree palace a reality.

Didn't you know that monkeys can travel?? It's easyjet..

From Lisbon to Lutton, just pack your bags, roundez-vous with your monkey partner, at your local airport, say goodbye to your job, a see you later to the family and friends, and enjoy the new jungle, waiting to be explored.

Other people...

Other people's reactions to my Dad's suicide have been many and varied. In fact not everyone knows it was suicide. I certainly didn't hide it from anyone, but as they didn't ask, I didn't tell certain people what had happened. My university friends for example, all of which are several years younger than me and none of which had ever lost a family member or friend as yet. I wanted to save them from the uncomfortable silence that would follow my telling them. They wouldn't know what to say and would feel terrible about it. I wouldn't have minded them not knowing what to say in the slightest - after all there is NOTHING anyone can say which particularly helps at that stage, but as they are not close friends (I probably won't particularly keep in touch after graduation) then I felt fine about not putting them through the embarrassment of not knowing the right response - which doesn't really exist anyway.

Everyone who matters to me knows that my Dad killed himself. They don't all know the details - again not because I don't want to tell them, but because they don't want to ask and I don't want to bring it up out of the blue after all these months. As those first few weeks were a complete blur and I was with my family rather than where I live, I don't know who told who what about it and so I wait for my friends to bring the subject up - which commendably some of them do.

There were some completely hurtful and inappropriate things said in the days following Dad's death. Not to me, but to my Mum. She had to do the really hard stuff like phone people up and tell them that he's died, including the mental health services who had been generally less than useless during dad's years of contact with them. She had to collect his car from the police impound once it was released and drive it home, knowing that the last person to drive it was my Dad on his way to kill himself - heavy stuff to deal with in the couple of days after his death. I am quite thick-skinned and don't get angered easily on my own behalf, but when a neighbour my Mum has never spoken to before shouted a completely inappropriate question across the street, I wanted to go outside and punch this woman in the face.

The day after Dad died, when I was at the family home, I sent a text to almost everyone in my mobile phonebook, saying that my Dad had died and I was going to be away for a while. Those many who texted back I then went into more detail with and told them it was suicide (most of my friends knew Dad had been ill) but I wasn't in a fit state to speak to anyone so I blocked any calls and apologised by text for doing so whenever anyone rang me. It was probably 4 days before I felt in enough control of my emotions to speak to any of my friends on the phone. The good thing about doing this was that everyone I knew found out that my dad had died really early on. I didn't have to wait until I returned to my home and tell people face to face, which would have been very hard. Thanks to mobile phones and the internet, I didn't have to tell anyone face to face about Dad for a couple of months, which gave me time for those rawest of emotions to calm a little.

Dad has been gone for 6 months now and this is the time when I am starting to struggle with other people most. Because of the way that I pushed my thoughts and feelings aside in order to finish my degree, my grieving process has been halted or at least slowed down to a tortoise-esque pace. Many people (although not my closest friends fortunately) have either forgotten about what happened with my Dad or are maybe of the opinion that I should have "got over it by now" and it is never really mentioned.
I don't blame people who forget. I am incredibly forgetful myself and realise that the only person whose life revolves around me is me. I just feel bad for them when they make a comment about someone's dad or depression or suicide and then they suddenly realise I am in the room and stop. I've done it myself to other people who have lost family members and I'm definitely not that sensitive about what they say - but I am sensitive to the discomfort that follows. Saying that, the fact that I have noticed when it happens shows that I am somewhat affected by it, although more observationally than emotionally. I do notice when people make tactless remarks, but I try not to hold it against them.

Summertime

Im getting pissed off with the weather

Are we ever going to get Summer weather?, its a different season every hour.

Got my tooth pulled out today and i am still in some pain,but sure ...Who gives a Damn anyway?

Tomorrows another day....

Have to go to the dentist tomorrow, he says i must have a Tooth pulled out. Oh dear!

Blocking it all out

When Dad died I was at a pivotal part of my university degree course, with the most important few months of the entire three years ahead of me. I knew that I could easily fail the course by not being in a place where I could concentrate on work and so I made the decision that I would try to put the thoughts, emotions and feelings about Dad into a metaphorical box, not to be opened until I had finished my studies and had time and space to deal with everything.

This might sound crazy but I actually find it very easy to not think about and dwell on things if I don't want to. When surrounded by books, television, the internet etc, I found it scarily easy to block out any unwelcome thoughts and distractions in the following months as I was working on my assignments. I could probably go several days without even thinking about Dad almost from the start, which in turn made me feel a bit guilty - as if this meant that I cared less than the rest of my family who were dealing with it differently and probably a great deal more healthily. It became second nature to not think about it - to turn over the radio when a song that reminded me of Dad came on - to listen to podcasts and audiobooks until I fell asleep every night - to say I was ok whenever anyone asked - well I was, because Dad's death didn't really have a place in my life during that time. I felt that if I allowed any grief and sadness to show themselves, the floodgates would open and so I sealed the box airtight until I had overcome the obstacle of my studies. There were a lot of moments, especially towards the end of that period of time, when I would feel sad and tears would threaten, but I always managed to push them back down and think about something else. I did find that the longer I left it, the easier it became to push the feelings away but the quicker they came back. I knew that I couldn't last much longer without at least thinking about Dad and what had happened.

I didn't feel numb emotionally about other things. I still cried at some films (which all of a sudden seemed to all be about people dying, mental illness or contemplating suicide) and about other sad things I would see on the news or in TV shows, but no more or less than before. There was a total emotional void when it came to Dad though.

When at last my final assignments had been handed in and I was at the stage when I could allow myself time to think about everything, I found it virtually impossible to re-train my brain to do so. I didn't even realise when I was blocking out thoughts because it was now so natural for me to do it. Reading a couple of books about surviving after someone's suicide did start to get me thinking about it, but not in a way I felt that I could directly relate to my own circumstances. What sounded sensible in theory wasn't nearly as simplistic in reality.

What happened next...

Those first few hours and days when I'd got back to the family home are a blur to me now. I think that we all just sat around in virtual silence, drinking endless cups of tea whilst a procession of people from Mum's church dropped by. At first this felt too much. I wanted it to be just us and it never was for a number of hours. Many of these people I have known for a long time too though and it did feel ok after a while to have them almost constantly there. I know that my Mum really appreciated it and I started to as well once the first initial shockwaves had passed.

There were some feelings of relief that I quickly quashed. Traitorous thoughts of how Dad was gone and we didn't have to walk on eggshells all of the time now. That my life would be easier. Guilt that I was thinking these things popped it's head up.

I of course considered the question of "could I have done more?" that last time I had spoken to him, but I have never really thought that I could. I know that apportioning blame to myself is not helpful and regardless of the rights and wrongs of that I just don't think that anything I could have said would have made a difference. I could live my whole life going over and over that question, as undoubtedly the rest of my family and some of Dad's closest friends have also wondered, but the fact is that I will never know the truth. I'll never know what he was thinking and I'll never be able to go back in time and change anything that I did or said so I'm not going to let myself go there.

I travelled back and forth between my family home and the city where I live a couple of times before the funeral. There were a couple of things that I wanted to do and I have pets that a friend was looking after that I needed to check on for my own sanity. Getting out of the vicinity was good, the intensity felt less and I did a few normal things like going to a football match, which although I felt very odd and heartless doing, actually helped me to let loose some emotion and pent-up frustration, shouting at my team and being annoyed at their eventual defeat - such normal things at a very abnormal time. I had my hair cut - a really bad idea by the way! My hairdresser was trying to make small talk and asking me what I was doing at the weekend. Obviously I couldn't say I was burying my Dad - the poor girl wouldn't have known what to do - so I lied and told her what I would have been doing that weekend had my Dad not chosen to kill himself a few days previously.

The funeral was nearly 2 weeks after Dad's death. I chose not to see the body before the coffin was sealed. I don't want to remember Dad as a cold body, probably a bit messed up what must have been massive injuries sustained by the incident. Mum and one brother had already seen him when they identified the body and my other brother also chose not to visit the chapel of rest.

The funeral itself was an extremely emotional day as expected. I'm not a huge crier normally. I'll spill the odd tear at a sad film and similar moments, but I certainly don't cry at the drop of a hat. From the moment I got into the funeral car on the way to church I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. The vicar (who knew Dad very well) had to read out the things that my brothers and I wanted to say because there was just no way we could have done it. A couple of Dad's really old time friends were there and shared some memories of Dad before he became ill, reminding me of a man I had virtually forgotten because the struggles of the past few years had eclipsed those happier times. It was very uplifting to hear people talking about Dad like this. The church was packed as well. Probably 150-200 people came, including some friends of mine who didn't really know Dad, but came to support me, which I really appreciated.

He was buried at a new cemetary on the other side of town and only family and a couple of Mum's close friends attended this part. None of us knew where to stand, what to say. I didn't say anything - just threw the dirt down on the coffin and looked at it a bit.

Back at the church, lots of people there with refreshments, waiting to talk to us. That was quite daunting at first, but after a slow start, I started to almost forget why we were there. Many of the people there were old friends of my parents who I hadn't seen in a decade or more but had been people of influence in my childhood. It was almost just like chatting to a bunch of old friends (which of course it what it literally was) but I would be happily catching up with someone when I'd get a sudden sobering thought of Dad, reminding me why we were all there after all. A very strange day.

I stayed for a couple more days with my family after the funeral before returning to my home away from them. I didn't have a clue what I was supposed to do next.

Summary of Neighbour's alarm going off June 2008

The alarm went off just a couple of times as far as I can remember. The dates were ...

June 24th 7:30 pm
June 25th 7:15 pm

That's an improvement on last month .

this is a picture of edd from eddsworld and all the others now that we're on the web

Random Idiots #1

Wassup Ma hommies me and the crew are the new hierarchy of the web.

Liquid lunch lethargy

I really shouldn't have a liquid lunch, as now I'm feeling all lethargic and starting to think too much.

I really do love him with all my heart, but can't help feeling that there's more to a relationship than this.

Is it too much to ask that when he walks in the door, he's excited to see me? I think he's lacking an emotion switch. Come to think of it, everything's always "alright", "ok", or "fine". It's never "amazing", "fantastic", or "sensational".

There's many reasons why we perhaps shouldn't be together, but then again, there's many reasons why we should be together too;

He'd never cheat on me, he loves me, and he'd never hit me.
He'd make a great father, he works hard, and when I had an operation, he was by my side.

All in all, he's a really good guy.

But is good guy enough? It's the lack of spontaneity and emotion that gets to me. He loves computers so much, it's like he's turning into one. At 28, I have the body of a supermodel, yet I've never felt so ugly and unattractive in my entire life. I don't remember the last time he showed excitement about wanting to be with me.

Thank you to the person who posted a message. I have tried to nip the computer thing in the bud, and for a while it was better, except I felt he resented me for taking him away from the computer. Now it's back as it was. I'd even turn my favourite TV program off for him if he wanted to do something. He's never offered.

Perhaps I should be grateful for having such a good guy? I am too old to start again. And I have no proper reason to. What's the point in giving up something that's fine, for something that probably doesn't even exist?

Why blog? And why so dazed and confused?

The explanantion for this blog requires a bit of background information. I am 29 years old, female, live in the UK and earlier this year in January 2008, my 60 year old father committed suicide by throwing himself in front of traffic on a busy local road.

Dad had been struggling with depression, paranoia and a few other symptoms for a number of years, but refused help from health professionals and was never officially diagnosed with any sort of mental illness. He had taken an overdose once about 18 months before he died but told my Mum straight away and it was considered a cry for help rather than a serious attempt by the doctors in the hospital, my Mum and my two brothers and myself. I moved away from the family home to another city 80 miles away nearly a decade ago and so missed many of my Dad's worst times, although he would often phone me and tell me how terrible he was feeling, as he did the day before he killed himself.

This blog is a way for me to try and process what has happened. To try and make some sense of it all and discover how I can move forward emotionally. This isn't a blog I expect other people to read, but of course they can. It is more a personal journey that I am posting on the internet in case someone else finds themselves in a similar position and my musings can be of some small help. I don't have any close friends or family who have lost someone to suicide and would have appreciated something like this, but take or leave of it what you will. I'm primarily doing this for me.

To many intents and purposes, my Father as I know him was gone long before he actually died. He didn't start exhibiting symptoms of mental illness until he was about 50 years old, when he first voiced some very irrational thoughts about people who were out to harm him, including some very close friends and family, and especially authority figures like the Police force. Over the course of the next decade, the man I grew up knowing slowly faded away, his confidence and chatty nature replaced by extreme insecurity and introverted behaviour as well as his obvious anxiety and multiple imaginary physical ailments. As his mental illness got worse over the years, his role in my day to day life diminished unless I was back visiting the family, when he apparently got worse in my presence. I virtually NEVER went back there unless absolutely neccessary, as it made him worse and increased the stress of all of the other family members. The last time I saw him in person was nearly 3 months before his death, and he rang me always when my Mum was out of the house and he panicked, which was every week or so.

I'd also virtually stopped answering his phone calls, or leaving them to go to my voicemail until I felt I could deal with him. For some reason, although I was in the middle of something, I rang him back when he phoned me the day before he died. I could tell that he was unhappy and anxious but there was nothing unusual about that, in fact he has been much worse in the past during telephone calls. I am incredibly glad that I had that last chance to speak to him now. All I did was listen to him tell me how bad he felt and then told him it would be alright and prayed with him briefly, as I had done dozens of times previously. I don't feel that I could have done more, because that was all that I knew how to do and usually it was enough to help him feel a little better until my Mum got home.

The day he died I was in the University Library, reading a few books, using the internet and thinking about the work I had to do in the final semester of my degree course. At about 11am I suddenly felt very ill and ran to the toilets. I was violently ill for about half an hour until I felt well enough to leave the library and catch my bus home. I continued to feel very ill for the next few hours. I later found out that the moment I first felt ill was the time that he died.

Because my Mum and brother were at work all day and the police had no way of knowing how to contact them, the news wasn't discovered until about 6pm, when the police showed up at home and asked them to identify the body. It wasn't until they had done this, returned home and discovered a suicide note, that my Mum rang my brother and I, who both live away from home, to tell us the news, about 8pm. My brother and his wife living much closer were able to go there straight away, but I had to wait for a train the following day to get back to my family.

That night was truly awful. I knew no details at that point, just that Dad had walked in front of a vehicle and was pronounced dead at the scene by the ambulance crew. I didn't want to upset my Mum any more than necessary by asking questions over the telephone so I was left wondering and my mind racing all that sleepless night and during the train journey the following morning. I was unbelievably shocked. I just couldn't believe that he would have done this, and done it in the way that he did. I felt angry that he had involved someone else with his suicide, the driver of the vehicle that hit him and any other witnesses. How must they be feeling, probably not having been told that he walked out into the road on purpose? I felt incredibly sad, that my Dad had been so unhappy that he felt this was his only option. I knew that he wasn't rational most of the time and so felt that trying to rationalise what had happened wouldn't get me anywhere, but my mind couldn't shut off from wondering what he was thinking in those final hours and minutes as he planned what to do.

I later found out that he had got up and followed his normal morning routine of going to the local shop for the paper, exchanged his library books etc, as these were all at home on the table when my Mum got in. Then at some point mid-morning he had got into his car, which he barely had the confidence to drive on his own by then, parked at a lay-by on a busy local road and stepped in front of a fast moving truck. The suicide note wasn't left anywhere obvious, and it took my Mum a while to find it amongst Dad's papers in their bedroom. When I read the note (or rather a photocopy as the police removed the original as evidence) then my first thought was that it was written some time ago. There were references to the upcoming Christmas (which had been several weeks earlier) that had been crossed out. I think that he wrote the note weeks, if not months before he committed suicide. The idea that he had been planning it for that long is very very sad. He didn't tell anyone of his plans and he had even been seeming slightly better in recent weeks, more sociable when out with my Mum and other friends and family. Even him having been ill and depressed for so long didn't lessen the shock of hearing the words that he'd gone and done it.

THE SIMPLEST WAY TO GAIN A SCHOLARSHIP

Baruch Okpulor
http://www.wealthworld.co.uk
baruch.okpulor@wealthworld.co.uk

The desire to acquire higher qualifications and skills is growing in several countries of the world with the global vision of giving education to all.

However, several people lack the money to fund their education espacially when they desire to study in a country with a currency value higher than their country currency value.

This is evident in countries as United Kingdom, USA, Canada, Netherlands, etc, where international students pay higher fees for tuition, accomodation and maintenance.

Most prospective students have resorted to seeking funding from organizations, universities and individuals in form of scholarships.

One great challenge about securing a scholarship is that too many applications chase a small fund. This article reveals some of the rules to adopt when applying scholarships to enhance the chances of your application being selected.

1. Gather your admission and scholarship materials beforehand. Most scholarship applicants do not know the application documents required by the school they intend to apply to. Different schools require different application materials depending on the country, course of study or type and mode of programme.

Generally, the following docments may be required:

a. copy of Degree certificate usually certified/notarised copy in the case of scholarship application.
b. copy of transcript usually certified copy in the case of scholarship application. c. Letter of motivation.
Two letters of Reference-professional and academic.
Fully completed scholarship application Form.
Letter of financial Support or Letter of sponsorship.
English Language certificate or other evidence of proficiency in English Language which is the language of instruction for course of study. This requirement varies in countries where other international languages are used other than English Language such German, French, Japanese or Spanish.

However, most universities would give a waiver on the english Language requirement for countries whose one of the official languages isEnglish Langauge.

2. Start early to apply for admission into your chosen schools and programme(s).

When I was scouting for scholarship for my graduate programme, one mistake l made was tostart my admission process late even though l thought I started early.

l later discovered that the admission process takes at least three months or more depending on a range of factors. It could be delays in the postal delivery of the application documents or getting reference letters from youracademic and professional referees, or getting your transcript(s) from your school. Therefore,if you want to start your programme in September, it is good to start the application process from November of the preceeding year of study.

This will place you in position to be in possession of an offer of admission from the school, either conditional or otherwise, before the scholarship application deadline. The reason is that most universities and lnternational funding organizations have their scholarship deadline fixed between March and May annually.For example, the deadline for scholarship application for the University of Westminster is May 30 for September intake and November 30 for January intake.

3.Take note of scholarship application deadline and work to beat it.

You should remember that any application for scholarship that did not beat the deadline will not be processed and you dont have any contractual agreement with the scholarship panel in this case as their decision is final.

Most funding bodies do not permit sending the scholarship application documents through courier service, fax or as email attachment. This could be a way of reducing the number of application to be received due to the available funding.

Most scholaeship applications are done online but you are expected to send the supporting documents through mail which would take some days to get to the destination or may be delayed.

4.Construct a good letter of Support.

The letter of support is expected to reveal to the scholarship panel why you need the scholarship, what amount of support you need-tuition,maintenance, or accomodation, the effort you have made in securing funding from other scholarship bodies or individual/company sponsorship and why you are the best candidate for the scholarship.

The letter of support is not written in a hurry. You should be clear,precise, sincere, persuasive and convincing in your writing.

Remember that in most cases, you are not interviewed by the Panel.
Your write-up represents you and one of the crucial parameters to be duly considered before awarding scholarship to you.

5. Remember that scholarship opportunities are competitive.

About 2/3 of the prospective students need financial support in one form or the other which makes it very competitive to get fundingfor your programme. Most International funding Bodies and Universities receive large number of scholarship applications annually while they have few openings.
These Universities have devised means to reduce the number of applications by considering only applications that meet their criteria as usually stipulated in the application Form.

Therefore, you are expected to read the criteria for application considering the basic qualification for scholarship application for the programme,the number of years required as work experience, the langauge of instruction,the value and duration of the award. Most scholarships are partial while others are full.

The partial scholarship may cover tuition (full tuition waiver) or accomodation only or maintenance only or a combination of the two above while full scholarships cover tuition,accomodation and maintenance.

6. Do not apply for scholarship without an offer of admission.

Almost all the scholarship opprtunities require that you secure admission first before applying for scholarship.This is one of the reasons to start early to apply for admission. Most applicants spend time running after funding opportunities without a corresponding letter of an offer for admission.

The scholarship awarding body wants to be sure that you would take up the offer of scholarship when awarded to you and therefore, would see evidence of acceptance into the school for your proposed programme of study.

Thanks for reading this article as my valued blog visitor.

Your feedback is highly welcomed.

Success in your scholarship applications.

Following the wrong shadow

Ever felt you've made a mistake a LONG time ago, which has led you down the wrong path?

We've been together nearly 4 years, and although I love him to bits, I think we're perhaps SO wrong for each other.

I like a glass of wine, he thinks I'm an alcoholic. It's not like I get pissed all the time. It's not like I even exceed 14 units a week!

I'm messy, he's tidy. He nags at me to tidy up after myself.

I clean the house, he doesn't. I sometimes nag him to clean.

He loves dogs more than people, I'm allergic to them.

I like talking, he likes silence.

I wanna be his best friend, he thinks that girlfriends aren't best friends.

He doesn't need much sleep, so watches films late at night. I need sleep. 8 hours of it.

We own a nice flat together. We both like cheese. I sometimes wonder what we actually have in common, other than just getting along together. Or maybe we don't spend enough time together to know if we actually have something in common. We get on well when we're together 24/7 on holiday.

Maybe the problem is the third "person" in our relationship; the computer. Do you know how humiliating it is to pose in the doorway in your brand new ***y undies, only to get ignored. If I stand between him and the TV, I then get told to move. If I invite him to come to bed, he'll reply "in a minute", and not even get up until perhaps 15 minutes later when I've gone from horny to horrifically low.

I ask myself if it's maybe because I've been a bad person in my past, and this is my fate. We're 4 whole years into the relationship, and I'm sure he's in love with a person who isn't me, as everything that IS me, he doesn't seem to like.

I feel like I'm walking in the wrong shadow.

Tuesday - He wants to be my friend

I’m surprised that we had no sarcastic comments or “huffing ‘n’ puffing” this morning when I arrived for work at 9:30 unfortunately missing the *L*’s daily stand up meeting.

My pre-calculated response will be stored for another day. To be fair he makes himself an easy target when he clears off home at 4:30 every day leaving my colleague (Big C) and I here until dusk falls mopping up the disasters he leaves behind.

Very disappointing day really as that’s two days in a row where *L* has been fairly amenable. I can only assume we are heading for a falling out of nuclear proportion or he wants to be my friend (Unlikey!)

Monday - a L free day

Wow - I managed to get through an entire day with no smug, quirky or derogative comments from *L*.

Sadly another member of the team suffered the force of having his work degraded by someone who is still yet to dazzle us with his expertise although his aura of self-importance is surely enough to compensate?

Not blogged for a while....

Ok. Its been over a week since I updated.

Ive now finished the fat busting fortnight and Ive lost 9lb. Im so chuffed. Only 5 more lb and Ive lost a stone. My mini target is to lose another 9lb by the time I go on holiday to Lanzarote in 2 weeks and 2 days. Im not gonna add the additional calories u can have after the fortnight, Im just gonna keep things as they are as Im doing well on it. Im just gonna allow myself a few drinks at the weekend instead.

Ive been doing Natalie Cassidy DVD and Vicky Binns (molly off corrie) which are very good. Last night I done a few muscle workouts on wii fit. I try to do something everyday. Ive been good with my dinners, only having 5% or less fat. I look thinner, even peter has commented. So all in all its been fab. I dont even crave chocolate anymore cos all I see is a block of fat when i look at choccie. Ive been having my low fat mousses. I also got low fat savoury snacks too, like weight watchers hula hoops and asdas own make low fat snacks. So theres plenty of healthy 'junk food' to choose from. When I go shopping tho I have to check the fat content of everything LOL.

The only thing Im finding is that my jeans are getting looser, and Ive got some nice jeans :| ive just bought a load in size 16 (woo hoo) so at least Ive got some nice ones to tide me over. :P Ive also got a nice belt LOL.

Hello.

How are you? I am good... despite Kurt's obnoxious behavior. I'd like you all to tell me how to get rid of a teen's affections for a 30 year old woman? Kurt is obsessed with Coll and to be honest, Bird hates the little bugger! (So do I)

Today I went bowling and I got second of three girls. (Coll won the game while poor Lucy got last...) I am having some guilt free fun with the AR. I want to get Darkrai! If I have both Darkrai, Giratina and Fantina's Gengar, I will rule over all ghost type trainers. (Even Fantina herself. I pwn.)

Coll just caught me a Happiny. Woooo for Action Replay!!

I'm hot. I need some water. Bye!

Sam

Today is the start of the rest of my life

Ok I'm p@ssed off with a certain individual who I will simply refer to as L or *L*oser.

L is a smug individual who thinks he knows best. In the short time I have had the pleasure or working with such an outstanding member of the human race, he has passed on many words of wisdom.

Enough is enough..... now is the time to start his downfall.

How I hear you ask..... simple.... I'm compiling the evidence of his complete incompetence in this Blog!!

FINISHED!

finished everything a few days ago, gonna hand it in tomorrow, i had all this blog stuff posted on www.wordpress.com throughout the year but it stopped working on my pc strangely last week so i have had to copy and paste the articles onto here. Hope you get it ok. cheers for reading. peace x

wanna be my pal?

ive just finished my interview to become a pal leader. i reckon it went well, really hope i get it as its a good opportunity for next year. I think i would be really good for the new BATV's! hopefully will get it. take care peace.

Long time no post

sorry its been a while, been rather busy, thinking LOADS about summer project, spent all easter panicking about it but i have a final idea down, going to film outside the mighty Arsenal FC stadium, lovely jubbly! should be good. About time i say what i think about the coruse so far. loving it to be honest! working really hard and enjoying lectures and group meetings. Also excited about summer project! peace

One shoot down, one to go

First shoot done, went really well, we took our time planning but had trouble casting, but found a good place to find actors. So i won't have to again lol! We have been given our first assessed brief and im really looking forward to getting on with it, we've had some cool ideas and im contributing loads! hope it all goes well, peace x

Freshers week done, lets start a'cookin

Hey all, not too sure what im doing here, not really my thing a blog but i reckon ill enjoy looking back laters in the year. Started the course, met my group (cool guys) and i willbe posting back when some more happens. peace x

lovely and sunny

What a lovely day!!! Not that I got to go out much in it. Went out this morning to range to get a few things, including a gravy seperater which serves gravy without the fat. Then went to asda to get some clothes for my holiday. Got 3 tops and some shorts and some cropped trousers in size 16, the only thing that didnt fit was the trousers (pity cos they were so nice) will have to change them tommorow.

When we got back, peter went to clean up my astra cos its being sold (boohoo) and I id lunch and when Daniel was in bed I did another Rosemary conley DVD. I dnt think her DVDs are that strenuous, altho I do feel tired after them, I dont think they push me enough. I like the Natalie Cassidy one cos that does, might have to find some younger peoples DVDs, I used to love Patsy Palmer ones, but Ive only got them on video and we dont have a video player anymore.

Anyway. Yesterdays meals were Bran Flakes for breakfast, pitta bread with prawns and melted grated cheese for lunch, wholemeal pasta with the other half of my weight watchers pasta sauce jar and a load of lettuce for dinner. Then I had a mousse when I was in bingo (mum won £400 and we shared, £200 each, woo hoo) and a banana when i got home.

Today I had bran flakes for breakfast, sweet potato and tuna with low fat mayo for lunch, the I had a chicken breast, yellow portion pot of mash and loads of brocolli and sprouts with some low fat gravy for dinner.

I weighed myself and Ive lost 6lb on my first week, way to go!!!! I feel a lot healthier too. altho I didnt lose much in inches around the waist etc. I really wanna lose my tummy, I hate it!!!!

Rosemary Conley DVDs and cookers bust, boo hoo

Well, somethings gone terribly wrong with our cooker, The top oven works and the rings (which is something) but the clock and the bottom oven seem to have packed up. Peters trying to fix it at the moment. Daniel is doing my head in at the moment, into everything and always on the go, I cant get nothing done :(

Yesterday we went out and got Rosemary Conley DVDS. Her salsercise double pack and the fat busting triple pack. had a go at one yesterday (a fat busting one) and loved it. Its in 2 sections, aerobics and body toning, so u can do either on alternate days. I did both sections yesterday, and it really pushes u.

Yesterday I ate Bran flakes for breaky (red portion pot), pitta bread with sliced packet chicken, tomato and lettuce for lunch, and for dinner I had a weight watchers pizza, garlic and mushroom. Then later I had a toffee mousse and a glass of semi skimmed milk (cos Im supposed to have 3/4 pint a day). I really felt like my tummy is getting smaller although I dont think Im gonna lose it all, I need a tummy tuck I think LOL. I bought some pyjama sets from La Senza in a size 16, and they fit great!!!!!!!! Must be doing something right hehe. be needing a whole new wardrobe soon.

missed yesterday

Was feeling quite down yesterday, I went along to the Rosemary Conley class but bottled it at the last minute. Thing is, round here no one makes u feel welcome, they have their own little groups and thats it. I find it hard to fit in sometimes, so i was scared it would be the same there. Anyway, I was disappointed.

My mums been on about taking me on hols for a week somewhere, peter dont seem keen so yesterday we had a row. Today, my mum booked a holiday to Lanzarote for me and her on the 3rd July. Gonna miss the kids like hell tho.

I wanna buy some rosemary Conley fitness DVDS, gonna go to HMV tommorow I think and see if they got them.

Yesterday I had the same lunch as in the previous blog and the same breaky. For dinner I had 4 slices of packet ham, sweet potato with cottage cheese, salad and a boiled egg. and then my banana dipped in mousse later. Went on the treadmill for 15 mins and did a few muscle toning exercises on wii fit.

Today I had same breaky. Prawn and low fat thousand island dressing sandwich for lunch. Then for dinner I had steamed salmon fillet, 4 small new potatoes and cauliflower with low fat homemade cheese sauce. Later I had a toffee low fat mousse.

Havent done any exercises so far today cos Ive took my mum shopping this morning then been sorting out holiday, lee evans concert (17th October in Birmingham woo hoo) and doing dinner. Did Natalie Cassidy DVD later, its very good, although I dont like the punch section, I did the other 3 sections and really made me feel like I'd worked out!

Neighbour barbeque

Current weather conditions: Clear sky, 18 Degrees Centigrade.

It's 19:45 and I'm at home listening to neighbour sounds, which is mostly playing music from their house so they can hear outside while they are having a barbeque.

You can listen to it from here.

file: 2008_06_04_neighbour_sounds.ogg
file size: 7,7M
music started at 19:39:30
amplified by: 1.3 Decibels
Software used: Audactity
Duration 11:24 mins
Description: You can hear from my backgarden music being played from their house.

It's the type of noise that is to be tolerated as it is summer after all. However it's a good time to see where the sound is leaking into my livingroom, and bedroom.

*update 23:02 4-Jun-08*

The music stopped around 22:25 and some if not all of those guests left the event shortly afterwards.

Day Three

ugh i gotta stop looking at my tummy, of coure it wouldnt change by now but seeing it just makes me want to give up.

I stopped my original plan but started something which keeps me eating quite few calroies but still im not hungry which is always good.

weeee!

Day 2

I went on the treadmill this morning and found it quite hard (I thought it was supposed to get easier?) Might start trying it in the afternoons from now on, see if its any better after ive eaten. I also walked up the school 3 times.

I had special K for breakfast. For lunch I had a sliced chicken sandwich with tomato, lettuce and red onion and a spread of low fat salad dressing, it was yummy :) For dinner I had Wholemeal pasta with weight watchers parmesan and pesto sauce. I then had a banana dipped in low fat choccie mouse (yummy alternative to real choccie)

Found a Rosemary Conley class near me, might pop in there tommorow see what its like.

Summary of neighbours alarm for May 2008

My nearest neighbour's alarm went off as follows (each time for 10 seconds):

9-May-08 8:12pm
9-May-08 8:23pm
9-May-08 8:30pm

That's 3 times it went off last month, that's 1 more than the previous month (April) . At least it only went off on 1 day .

Day Two

I screwed up

I guess everyone gets screw ups. It's because I didn't have time to eat at lunch.

I'll have to start all over again, it's gonna get hard.

My belly is too big for me

I'm sure if I stick to it it'll be fine.

Start of Rosemary Conley diet

Today I started the Rosemary Conley diet. I went to asda this morning and got a load of low fat food and also went to argos and got my pedometer and skipping rope.

The pedometer is great. It takes between 2500-3000 steps walking up the school and back alone!!!! and walking up there and back 3 times a day really adds up! Also had a go at the skipping rope but theres no room in the garden. As big as our garden is, theres either grass, toys, washing line or bushes in the way. Gonna have to move some things I think. I also did 15 minutes on the stepper machine.

For my meals I had special K for Breakfast. For lunch I had sweet potato and a blue portion pot of cottage cheese, which was surprisingly nice, didnt know what to expect with sweet potato, but it was nice and filled me up for hours after. For dinner I had chicken left over from yesterday with 5 lettuce leaves, 1 tomato and some low fat caesar salad dressing. I also had a slice of whole grain bread. Used fatty butter tho, so will have to get some low fat spread. Later I had a low fat chocolate mousse and a banana.

Im feeling quite positive today. Ive enjoyed my meals. Feel a lot more positive about me and peter (since friday night hehe) Im just on a high at the moment, hope it lasts.

Day One

Today was hard though I stuck o everythign I set out to do.

However I didn't wake up at 8 to do my mornign walk becaue I was way too tired.

I found it so diffcult not to snack like half an hour ago

made a sandwich and everything, but then I got that determined eeling, scrunched it up and threw it in a bin.

I need to be serious about this if I am ever to lose this weight again

So day one is a success. I will get through this

I want to look good in my underwear

Quarter to the start of something new.

Wow what a poetic title.

Hi, this is for me not for you, but hopefully it might help someone in their quest to be a better version of themselves.

I know what I need to do, this is just a distraction, motivation. I want to baically, lose weight. Be nice and slim again (to cut a logn story short, I lost weight and then gained it back and now I want to lose it again)

I may not be doing it in a conventially healthy way, but trust me anything is healthier than my relationship to food over the past 6 or so months. So yes, I believe June of '08 is my time to shine again.

I will keep myself motivated, enter my day activities and basically I will turn back into that person I looked at in the mirror and liked what they saw.

I can't be bothered to write much more, so here is a motivational goal that'll keep me going.

I'm going to wake up at 8 tommorow to have a nice lesuirely walk, then I will have breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I want to get skinny enough again so when I bend over, I get tiny little rolls instead of two or three big ones.

JUNE!

Police telephone conversation recorded

I recorded the telephone conversation I had with the Police on the 14th April 2008 and I'm posting the first half of it here, as some of you may be inquisitive to know what to expect when calling the Police.

file; police_call_140408.ogg
duration: 2 minutes 45 seconds
file size: 609K
description: You can hear the voice of a woman from the Lothian and Borders Police switchboard, followed by music, and then the Assistant that I spoke to.

The call quality isn't 100% perfect however it's good enough for what I need it for. This call was a non-emergency so I didn't need any immediate assistance, if It was an emergency I would have dialled 999.

new day

I got up at 8am and didnt feel too bad after our wild night. Peter had a lie in until 11am he felt a bit rough. I only feel tired, maybe its the fit new me killing the hangovers, another good reason to stick with it hehe.

For breakfast I had a bowl of special K. I had a spicy bean burger (microwavable) for lunch and then a weight watchers beef hot pot and a slice of bread for dinner.

Didnt do any exercise today.

I want to get a pedometer and a skipping rope from argos to help with the keep fit.

going out tonight!!!!!

Im supposed to be going out tonight, woo hoo!!!! I just hope my friends dont pull out at the last minute.

Got up and did my usual treadmill routine. It feels like its getting easier but we will see next week when running goes up to 3 minutes.

Im not gonna eat many calories today, saving up for tonight hehe. Might be consuming quite a few vodka calories ;)

I had a bowl of special K (with red portion pot) for breakfast. Then for dinner I had half a asda ham, mushroom and mascarpone pizza (yummy) and salad. I had a rosemary conley mousse and 2 low fat beef rolls, like yesterday, with salad and onion.

Didnt go out grrr, but had a fantastic night in with peter, watching soaps and britains got talent and then a lot of fun afterwards ;) lmao. Was a great night. These types of nights dont come around very often, but when they do, i love it. Had a 35cl bottle of vodka and then 1/2 can of john smiths so was pretty smashed lol. didnt go to bed til 4am.

missed a days blogging

Didnt blog yesterday, but I am still into it hehe

My portion pots came yesterday so I have been using them. The red one for mash seemed a bit much so Im gonna have the yellow one for mash from now on. I used it for my special K this morning too and it seems I have been having the right amount :)

Yesterday I ate a bowl of special K for breakfast. Slim fast shake for lunch. 1 pork chop, small amount of mash (with my portion pot) and loads of sprouts and brocolli for dinner, with gravy. Then later I had a pot of Rosemary conley low fat mousse (which was yummy and i shall be getting more) and i had a low fat beef, lettuce and tomato roll, no mayo.

The exercise I did was 15 minutes on my stepper and my usual jackknifes (sit ups) on wii fi and a few tricep curls with my dumbells.

I feel slimmer, and even think I look slimmer (wishful thinking?) not much, but its good that Im thinking positive. Im reading my Rosemary Conley book too (which also came yesterday) Not sure Im gonna follow all the recipies, but i will defo be looking out for low fat food from now on.

going ok

Had a lie in today, maybe it was the lack of exercise yesterday But i felt so tired. I didnt get up until 10am. I went straight on the treadmill as soon as I got up cos ive heard it boosts your metabolism to do exercise as soon as u get up

Exercise 27 mins on the treadmill, 3 mins of uphill walking to warm up, then 2 mins running and 4 mins walking repeated 4 times. Felt good to get it over with so early, altho my legs are starting to ache. No more than how i ached after I started on wii fit tho and that soon went after Id got used to it.

So far today Ive ate a bowl of special K and I actually measured out 30g of it, not that i was having much more than that before i measured. I had a fry up (or grill up LOL) for dinner which was 4 rashers of bacon, grilled, 1 sausage, grilled, 2 tinned tomatoes and tomatoe juice, 1 fried egg, some crispy slices and black pudding. naughty dinner LOL But ive not had much else today.

Other news is that Daniel is now down to 1 nap a day, at 1pm. Dont know whether it will last but he is much better on it. He used to get really grumpy after his shorter naps, now he has 1 long one, he is a lot happier. Long may it continue.

What is Home?

What is home? canvas asks the question what is home to you? All you have to do is think about it and write it down on the blog. You can write anything and everything on the topic be it abstract or literal, all of your thoughts are welcome. Please note that any comments left may be used later on in the finalized performance work. If you want you can also email us your thoughts at canvasnet@live.co.uk

about us

canvas is a collective of Yorkshire based performance artists focussed on art experimentation and context specific explorations. Using visual elements with emotional triggers canvas creates encounters designed to excite and stimulate an experiential response from people. The company has deep roots in site specific performances and cross art collaborations. The body of canvas� work explores the hidden side of human nature and the intricacies of the performer-audience relationship. Through manipulation of shared cultural and social experience, canvas creates pieces of deceptive familiarity and unnerving revelation. canvas are currently working towards their 10th piece and we need your help!

thomas and friends live on stage

Me and my mum took the 2 older boys to see Thomas and friends at the grand theatre. it was.......interesting. Bit boring really, but the kids seemed to like it. A load of silly people dressed up dancing and singing arouns Thomas, Percy and Diesel LOL. Lovely.

Anyway, didnt get to Exercise much today because of that. I walked back from my mums house, which is up a big hill. Im also gonna go on wii fit later and this morning I got my metal dumbells out and did some tricep curls. I felt like I had more energy this morning though after my treadmill work out yesterday which can only be a good thing.

Today I ate crunchy nut cornflakes for breakfast again, Slim fast chocolate shake for lunch. A packet of fruit pastilles at the theatre. Then Peter cooked us a liver stew. I didnt like the liver but I had 4 new poatoes and gravy with some butter and peas. I also had a custard muller rice later, tin of tuna with a tomato and a little mayo and 4 cutard creams. Am thinking I should cut down the junk food? I dont know. I want my portion pots from Rosemary conley to come :)

Starting (again)

Ok, I am determined this will not be a fad, and so am starting this blog.
I started about a month ago really, when I got wii fit. I feel a lot stronger because of that already. I also started eating less. But after last weekend I sort of faded off it a bit, now today Im starting again with a vengence.

Ok, This is what I ate. .....

For breakfast I had a bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes and full fat milk, but not too much. Then for lunch I had a bowl of slimfast chicken and mushroom soup. I had a peach as a snack mid afternoon and then for dinner I had some left over chicken (from Sunday) and loads of lettuce and 2 tomatoes with salad cream. Ive had 4 squares of dairy milk caramel, a peperami and 4 custard creams later (naughty). I dont deprive myself of my choccie cos I feel Ill fail if I do. Ive cut down an awful lot.

My exercise for today was 24 mins on the treadmill (2 mins running, 4 mins walking, repeated 4 times) and I did some jackknifes on wii fit also some tricep curls. I really feel my muscles have had a workout, esp from the treadmill.
I feel like Ive done well on my first day. Wii fit says my weight is 14 stone 11 lbs but Im not sure its that accurate. Wanna weigh myself in boots just to be sure.

Other news is that Daniels a lot better, he was very ill over the weekend, dont know why, but he seems to have picked up today, thank God.
Went to tesco. Had a look at some slimming tablets, not sure how well they work so want to read up on them first before I decide to buy them. the weather is crap too, I hate it, sick of this crap weather, really wanna go on hols, somewhere hot. Might do just that in October.