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The idea that I didn't know how seemed a hell of...The idea that I didn't know how seemed a hell of a lot more plausibleIf I dipped this brush in black and then put it on that forbidding white-space, surely the best I'd be able to do would be a series of marching stick figures: Ten little Indians went out to dine, One drowned her baby self, Then there were nineNine little Indians, Stayed up very late - That was spookyI got up from my chair, and fast Suddenly I didn't want to be here, not in Little Pink, not in Big Pink, not on Duma Key, not in my stupid pointless limping retired retarded life How many lies was I telling? That I was an artist? RidiculousKamen could cry STUNNED and YOU MUST NOT STOP in his patented e-mail capitals, but Kamen specialized in tricking the victims of terrible accidents into believing the pallid imitations of life they were black chanel quilted bag living were as good as the real thingWhen it came to positive 203 reinforcement, Kamen and Kathi Green the Rehab Queen were a tag-steamThey were FUCKING BRILLIANT, and most of their grateful patients cried YOU MUST NOT STOPWas I telling myself I was psychic? Possessed of a phantom arm capable of seeing into the unknown? That wasn't ridiculous, it was pitiful and insane There was a 7-Eleven in NokomisI decided I would try my driving skills, pick up a couple of sixpacks, and get drunkThings might look better tomorrow, through the haze of a hangoverI did not see how they could look much worseI reached for my crutch and my foot - my left one, my good foot, for Christ's sake - caught under my chairMy right leg wasn't strong enough to hold me up and I fell full-length, reaching out with my right arm to break my balenciaga bag fall Just instinct, of courseexcept it did break my fallI didn't see it - my eyes were squeezed shut, the way you squeeze them when you know you're going to take one for the team - but if I hadn't broken my fall, I would almost certainly have done myself significant damage, 204 carpet or no carpetI could have sprained my neck, or even broken it I lay there a moment, confirming to myself that I was still alive, then got to my knees, my hip aching fiercely, holding my throbbing right arm up in front of my eyesThere was no arm thereI set my chair up on its legs, leaned on it with my left forearmthen darted my head forward and bit my right arm I felt the crescents of my teeth sink in just below the elbowI felt the flesh of my forearm against my lipsThen I drew back, panting"Jesus! Jesus! What's happening? What is cartier women's watches this?" I almost expected to see the arm swirl into existenceIt didn't, but it was there, all right I reached across the seat of my chair for one of my brushesI could feel my fingers grasp it, but the brush didn't moveI thought: So this is what it's like to be a ghost I scrambled into the chairMy hip was snarling, but that pain seemed to be happening far downriver With my left hand I snatched up the brush I'd cleaned and put it behind my left earCleaned 205 another and put it in the gutter of the easel Cleaned a third and put that in the gutter, as wellThought about cleaning a fourth and decided I didn't want to take the timeThat fever was on me again, that hungerIt was as sudden and violent as my fits of rageIf the smoke detectors had gone off downstairs, announcing the house was on fire, I would have paid vintage fendi bag no attentionI stripped the cellophane from a brand-new brush, dipped black, and began to paint As with the picture I'd called The End of the Game, I don't remember much about the actual creation of Friends with BenefitsAll I know is it happened in a violent explosion, and sunsets had nothing to do with itIt was mostly black and blue, the color of bruises, and when it was done, my left arm ached from the exerciseMy hand was splattered with paint all the way to the wrist The finished canvas reminded me a little of those noir paperback covers I used to see back when I was a kid, the ones that always featured some roundheels dame headed for hellOnly on the paperback covers, the dame was usually blond and twenty-twoishIn my picture, she had dark hair 206 and looked on the plus side of fortyThis dame was my louis vuitton denim purse ex-5:10 AM - Tuesday, March 9, 2010
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